Worst. Blogger/Dieter. Ever.

Guys. I am awful at this. How long has it been since I posted?!?

I do have a few excuses though.

1. I moved back into school a little over a week ago and shit has been hectic. I’m in my last semester of a pre-professional degree program in Architecture, which basically makes my workload equivalent to that of a pre-law student. I’m doing my thesis, which has already consumed 4 months of my life and is about to consume 4 more. So stressful. And because I stress-eat, this challenge has been the last thing on my mind.

2. Being vegetarian at school is HARD. I mean, sure, we have a Chipotle. But have you HAD their barbacoa? How can I eat just peppers and onions and black beans and miss out on THAT? I’m going to try it though, so we shall see. I’ll update accordingly.

3. Even when cooking at my apartment, being vegetarian is insanely difficult. I should’ve foreseen this, but I was in a post-Jan-1 resolutionary haze. The thing is, I cook with my boyfriend who is a carnivore. A healthy carnivore, but a carnivore nonetheless. One of our favorites shared pastimes is cooking together, and when I can’t make meat, it kind of kills our favorite activity. We’re trying to work our way around this (Indian food definitely helps, he loves that stuff).

But that leads me to my big edit – vegetarianism isn’t working. I didn’t think it would feel like deprivation, but it does. I’m incredibly, incredibly disappointed to post this, but (and this is a big, big but) I am not giving up. I refuse to. I still have 50 pounds and 3 dress sizes to lose, and I’m not quitting until they’re gone.

I think the only path for me, though, is portion control. I’ve been reading a lot about my struggles, and I’ve realized that I can’t cut out the foods I love (such as meat) without feeling like I’m depriving myself, even if I do enjoy a vegetarian meal every now and then. What I need to do is carefully regulate my intake of everything. I know, this is a cop-out. But I’m trying to focus less on the fact that I abandoned a tenet of my yearlong challenge and more on the fact that I’m setting myself up for long-term sustainability. I’m not a terrible person, right? 😦

That being said…

I WENT TO THE GYM TODAY. Yes sir/ma’am, I went to the gym for the first time since October and it felt FREAKING AMAZING. I’m not one to champion exercise, I see it as a necessary chore. But working out (especially in this East Coast polar vortex, for some reason), felt absolutely incredible. I’m not quite where I was in October in terms of endurance and flexibility, but I will definitely get there.

I managed 4 miles on the elliptical, half a mile walking on the treadmill, and 6 reps on various ab machines (20-30 lb. weights). Very light, I know. But I’m easing myself back into it. And I’m so, so excited to keep it up. Damn, who knew working out felt so good? Of course, I’m going to hate it by tomorrow when the runner’s high wears off, but for right now…I feel a lot better about failing in vegetarianism. 😛

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Welcome to the Struggle Bus!

For those of you who are unaware:

http://www.seas.upenn.edu/~terfan/strugglebus/pennapps2013f/index.html

Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with the aforementioned website or University of Pennsylvania or the brilliant people who decided to animate my lifelong condition. I just find it inspiring.

Everyone has a lifelong struggle. What is mine? As it turns out, mine is my body. I’ve been battling my body and self-image for as long as I can remember. I’ve cursed everything from food to genetics to exercise. But finally I’m going to do something proactive about it.

Please visit About Me and About This Project to learn more about my yearlong quest to finally get off this struggle bus. And feel free to add comments and share in the adventure!

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