Worst. Blogger/Dieter. Ever.

Guys. I am awful at this. How long has it been since I posted?!?

I do have a few excuses though.

1. I moved back into school a little over a week ago and shit has been hectic. I’m in my last semester of a pre-professional degree program in Architecture, which basically makes my workload equivalent to that of a pre-law student. I’m doing my thesis, which has already consumed 4 months of my life and is about to consume 4 more. So stressful. And because I stress-eat, this challenge has been the last thing on my mind.

2. Being vegetarian at school is HARD. I mean, sure, we have a Chipotle. But have you HAD their barbacoa? How can I eat just peppers and onions and black beans and miss out on THAT? I’m going to try it though, so we shall see. I’ll update accordingly.

3. Even when cooking at my apartment, being vegetarian is insanely difficult. I should’ve foreseen this, but I was in a post-Jan-1 resolutionary haze. The thing is, I cook with my boyfriend who is a carnivore. A healthy carnivore, but a carnivore nonetheless. One of our favorites shared pastimes is cooking together, and when I can’t make meat, it kind of kills our favorite activity. We’re trying to work our way around this (Indian food definitely helps, he loves that stuff).

But that leads me to my big edit – vegetarianism isn’t working. I didn’t think it would feel like deprivation, but it does. I’m incredibly, incredibly disappointed to post this, but (and this is a big, big but) I am not giving up. I refuse to. I still have 50 pounds and 3 dress sizes to lose, and I’m not quitting until they’re gone.

I think the only path for me, though, is portion control. I’ve been reading a lot about my struggles, and I’ve realized that I can’t cut out the foods I love (such as meat) without feeling like I’m depriving myself, even if I do enjoy a vegetarian meal every now and then. What I need to do is carefully regulate my intake of everything. I know, this is a cop-out. But I’m trying to focus less on the fact that I abandoned a tenet of my yearlong challenge and more on the fact that I’m setting myself up for long-term sustainability. I’m not a terrible person, right? 😦

That being said…

I WENT TO THE GYM TODAY. Yes sir/ma’am, I went to the gym for the first time since October and it felt FREAKING AMAZING. I’m not one to champion exercise, I see it as a necessary chore. But working out (especially in this East Coast polar vortex, for some reason), felt absolutely incredible. I’m not quite where I was in October in terms of endurance and flexibility, but I will definitely get there.

I managed 4 miles on the elliptical, half a mile walking on the treadmill, and 6 reps on various ab machines (20-30 lb. weights). Very light, I know. But I’m easing myself back into it. And I’m so, so excited to keep it up. Damn, who knew working out felt so good? Of course, I’m going to hate it by tomorrow when the runner’s high wears off, but for right now…I feel a lot better about failing in vegetarianism. 😛

Standard

Let’s Be Real

What do I really want here? I can preach all day about loving myself and being spiritually balanced, but in the end, I am about 40 pounds overweight. And I don’t want to be anymore. I wear a size 10, though I usually overshoot because I don’t like clothes that cling to me and show how large I actually am. I want to be confident enough to wear what I want and look how I want. That doesn’t mean I want to be a size 0 or 100 pounds. That’s unhealthy and no better than what I am now, in my opinion. I want to be fit. I want to look and feel healthy. I want some muscle, abs would be nice.

I want to feel strong. I don’t have a goal weight or goal size in mind. Just a goal feeling. I’ll know it when I get there.

Standard